Runyon Canyon - Hollywood, CA

Sweat rating: 3
Total time: Depends, but usually 1.5 hours round trip
Worth it: eh

Sorry for the long delay in posts. I recently started medical school and have devolved from the lazy hiker to the completely immobile pile of goo. Most of these posts will be written about hikes I've done in the last year, but I live near Baldy now so maybe I'll spend a day suffering for your amusement.

Anyhoo, anyone who lives in or around Los Angeles and enjoys hiking and/or working out knows about Runyon. Truth be told, most people go to Runyon to see and be seen. If you go in crappy workout clothes and your hair in a ponytail (like I did) expect to be under dressed. Everyone running looks like a fitness model with name brand exercise clothes, lots of skin showing, and hair and make-up done. Luckily for me and my self esteem I give absolutely no fucks.

I went to Runyon with some friends, my Mom and my dog. If your dog is well behaved, Runyon is the best because you can let them run off leash. Letting Alfred run off leash is a million times easier than having to hold his leash the whole time and he's a social and friendly dog so Runyon gets 5 stars in the pup friendly department.

As for the the hike itself, it's okay. Going up the hill there are stairs to help the less physically fit, coughmecough, drag their bones and bellies up to the top. Expect to be passed by super fit people running up the stairs at full speed. Feel free to try and trip them.

At the top there are benches where you and your dog can pant and rest before beginning your descent. The way down is all paved which, personally, I find weird whilst hiking, but I guess it's nice because your shoes won't get as dirty? I dunno, if I want to walk on the pavement I'll stay in my own damn neighborhood.

Anyway, there's lots of good people watching, which I love, but overall I kind of felt like the whole thing was just eh. Oh I almost forgot the worst part of Runyon, parking! Parking is a complete fucking nightmare. I had to wedge my car into the world's tiniest parallel spot 4 blocks away and even that spot took me 20 minutes of circling to find. If I lived nearby and could walk there, I would go every weekend, but because I don't, I'll probably only go on a weekday morning when it's dead.

Inyo Crater - Mammoth, CA

This hike gets my highest (worst) rating: 5 sweat drops
Total time: Way too long. (approximately 4 hours round trip)
Worth it: Absolutely not.

Let's start at the beginning. A good friend of mine invited us to spend a lovely and relaxing weekend in Mammoth with her family and some other friends. We jumped at the opportunity and arrived in the mountains for 4 days of rest. James and I don't partake in snow sports so while others snowboarded, we explored. We drove to Bodhi and Mono Lake, both of which I highly recommend! You can drive right up to the good stuff, walk around for a bit and leave feeling like you've done something outdoorsy. Below is a picture from Mono Lake. I forget the name of the weird rock formations , but they were weird, and also neat.

Mono Lake

The next day, James had mentioned a nice easy 1 mile round trip hike a coworker had told him about and the whole group decided to go. There wasn't much online about this hike, but with some digging and driving we found a sign that said "Inyo Crater Trail -->". I'm not going to tell you how to get there because truthfully, I don't remember. But don't worry, once you've read this entire post you won't want to go there anyway. I should have known we were in trouble as soon as we turned off because there was a car on the road ahead of us stuck in the snow. We went in late April so the snow season was coming to a close, but no one bothered to tell this trail that.

We drove as far as we could until we found what looked like a dirt lot and parked our cars. Because we had been told this was an easy hike we were all dressed rather casually. Leggings, jeans, sneakers, you know, Runyon hiking gear. The only reason I had on snow boots was because I had forgotten to pack my gym shoes. We looked out at the snowy landscape ahead and said "It's only a mile, we'll be ok!" Oh how wrong we were...

The conditions were hazardous at best. The snow was packed on the road/trail, but not enough to avoid sinking in. Every few feet someone would sink, slip or crash into an icy puddle. Reports of soaked socks occurred within the first 10 minutes. The snow also made the hike much more strenuous. Each step was filled with peril and I broke a sweat quickly and often. Although I was in snow boots and therefore had warm feet, the boots were heavy and pulling them out of the snow every 3 steps became a genuine pain in my ass. Meanwhile James is off ahead of the pack trying to figure out why we hadn't seen any trail signs...

Taken from Emily's Instagram. The group gathered at the sign we mistook for the trail head.

About 30 minutes and someone's iPhone later, we realized that we had been walking on the road and we still had not even reached the actual parking lot yet. After the general outcry of rage, we continued. At least for this portion the path to follow was clear. We were on a road after all. Another 30 minutes after that we found said parking lot with its bathrooms and signage. It was completely impossible to reach this area unless you were driving a serious 4x4 vehicle. We found the actual trail head and began what we thought would now be the easy part.

While the conditions for the next part of the hike (aka the actual fucking hike) were pretty much identical to those of the first portion, this time we weren't following a road. The snow below us had obliterated any and all trail markers and we became pretty heavily dependent on one person's Verizon iPhone which was somehow, magically, still getting service, to avoid getting lost. We used the GPS to guide our way through the forest filled with felled trees and more and more and more snow. At one point there was a mutiny. 2 hours into what was supposed to be a 1 hour round trip hike, the group was divided and only after some guilt tripping and promising of margaritas was the dissident party (led by me, of course) convinced to trek on.

Only 15 minutes later we reached our goal. Inyo Crater. It was a giant hole in the ground and my only solace was throwing rocks in it like a child in a fit of rage. Evidently there was another viewpoint up a short hill with an obstructed view of another crater, but myself and a fellow lazy hiker stayed at the benches in front of this crater while the rest of the group explored the second one. At some point a young athletic couple with a baby strapped to them joined us in the viewing area. They seemed miraculously dry and sweat free. I cursed them silently. Was the view worth it? I'll let you be the judge...

Inyo Crater

Me looking exactly as happy as I felt.

The journey back seemed worse to me, but maybe that was just because I was tired and completely over it. I made James serve as my trekking pole and he helped pull me out of snow and puddles all the way back to the car. It took 3 margaritas and about an hour in the hot tub to wash away my sorrows after this hike. I'm sure in the summer when the snow is melted and you can actually drive to the real parking lot, this hike would be short and enjoyable. But unless it's June-August I would avoid this place like the plague.

In case you were wondering, this is the trip that inspired this blog. I decided that it was my duty to save future lazy hikers from this suffering. So, consider yourselves spared. Go to Gomez's and get a margarita. Fuck Inyo Crater.

Welcome to the Lazy Outdoors

Welcome! Before we get started with the good stuff, a bit about myself! I am the self-proclaimed laziest person I know. For the past 7 years I have been with my partner, James, who works for outdoor and camping outfitter, REI. He is, as you would expect, very outdoorsy. So much so that he's been compared to Grizzly Adams by strangers on Craigslist, but that's a story for another time.

Needless to say, this has been a point of contention throughout our relationship. He is constantly trying to get me to join him in his outdoor forays, while I am constantly trying to get him to leave me on the couch with the chex mix. In an attempt to increase my physical ability I have recently decided to give in and have started doing outdoorsy things with him and our dog Alfred (who will be featured extensively in this blog.) While some of it has been fun, some of it has been flat out awful.

Halfway through the most hellacious hike to date, I came up with the idea to start this blog. I decided that I would make a blog dedicated to not so dedicated hikers. Hikes would be rated with sweat drops and recommendations on whether the final view was worth it, would be given. With the recent purchase of a kayak this blog will also encompass other outdoor activities, but all with the lazy person's best interest at heart. I hope to entertain, educate, and above all, prevent too much exertion. Enjoy!